Lullaby and goodnight

For as long as I can remember, music has been a key ingredient in my bedtime routine. I can remember my mom singing me to sleep when I was young. On the good ship lollipop... Summertime and the livin' is easy... Maybe not the traditional lullabies you'd expect, but these are the songs that still make my eyelids droopy.

Then came a time when I would sing from my top bunk to my little sister below. Her favorite song at bedtime was a little tune we performed at a school music program, Goodbye dear friends, it's time to be moving along...

As a high schooler, I started a bedtime singing habit that I continue to this day. If I lay awake in bed, unable to sleep because my mind just won't slow down, I sing the Cares Chorus (based on 1 Peter 5:7) as I make a mental list of all my worries. I guess it's just my way of laying my burdens at Jesus' feet and allowing myself to get some rest.

Now that I'm a mom, I am realizing once again how important music is in the bedtime routine. Over the past three weeks, I've enjoyed singing my little David to sleep, but I've also realized something. As much as I think I am singing for him, I am also singing for me.

I sing to calm myself down...to keep my frustrations at bay...to put things in perspective...to remind myself of the truths that escape me in the middle of the night when my hormone-crazed brain begins to rely on my emotions and believe in lies.

One of our favorite "lullabies" so far has been Great is Thy Faithfulness, and while I hope that the sound of my voice will soothe David to sleep, it's easy to admit that I sing this song mostly for myself. Living with a newborn is stressful. Being responsible for another life is scary. Most of the time I don't really know what I'm doing. Half the time I probably do the wrong thing. Sometimes I just want to give up and do nothing at all.

In the middle of the night, when I'm exhausted, and I have no idea why my boy is wailing, and I'm sure that I cannot "do this" anymore, I have to remind myself that God is faithful. His mercies are new every morning, whether or not I have the energy to get out of bed. His compassion never fails, even when I'm losing my patience. He provides everything I need, even when I don't know what I need. Every night, Keith prays that I will have peace. Every day I ask God for strength. Every moment, He is doing this new-mom-thing right along side me. And to think that on top of His faithfulness, I get the amazing blessing of this beautiful little boy. God is faithful, and for that I am so thankful.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.